violence and romance in play

Unrelated note: Nihilism can be a joyful relief from reality.
-response to NYTimes review of Will Eno's latest play.

I've been fascinated by my observation that violence is an accepted aspect of childhood play but romance is a strong taboo. Children are drawn to play at both, probably out of a combination of reenacting behaviors they encounter and relatively unmediated emotional expression.
For some time I've thought that this disparity derived from the relative dangers--while violence in its most extreme forms can lead to permanent damage and death, the most extreme expressions of romance lead to more present lasting effects. Death and scars become norms but babies reassert themselves moment to moment. Of course the psychological scars of violence reassert themselves as well, but they're less prominent.

In my work with my students I've cut out almost all romance. It gets referred to but the highest level of involvement will be an arm over a shoulder or linked arms or hands. The violence remains prominent and much of it happens offstage, but I've been shaken by the real potential for injury in even the most carefully staged combat sequences. Clearly violence is far more dangerous than romance, yet there's no question of increasing the degree of romance in the work. Therefore I think the taboos may have more to do with emotional vulnerability. In play children experience much less emotional vulnerability in peer-associated violence (particularly in the context of play rather than effective violence) than peer-associated romance. Why this seems to be the case I'm not sure. I suspect that the line between play and reality is pretty thin for children (which is why they are both the most demanding and most fulfilling audiences) and that this plays a role in the discomfort. Certainly there is a developmental aversion to romance and proclivity for acting on emotions--even love, though no romance. I suspect there are significant societal controls on expressions of love as adults struggle to differentiate between love and romance and that these controls also factor in the taboo.

I imagine others must be noticing these things and asking these questions as well. In the meantime think I'll cut back on the stage combat till I hear the results of their research.