PhK the PhD

Well, what has happened here?
I had a big, linear, mechanized plan for setting my teeth and making a real go of it at the PhD apps. There was a lot of disenchantment, there was the back and forth with Northwestern about my interests and my inability to understand why they have an interdisciplinary PhD in theatre and a PhD in perf. studies. JZM reinforced my disenchantment with his academic surface analysis of the perf. studies world. Nothing was speaking to me loudly or clearly.
Then Mom suggested (as she has in the past) that I consider an MFA in acting.
Terror.
Almost nothing scares me like the prospect of applying to Acting MFA programs. I take this as a good sign, this is something I need to pursue, but my confidence is so lacking I won't dare so much as peruse a major market school. So I spent quality time checking out Iowa, Wayne State and UConn. Iowa had an interesting progression, UConn has a puppetry program at the same campus and I know a prof., also it's in the hinterlands of the megalopolis, instead of just hinterlands. I will likely apply to UConn just to pay heed to my terror, but I have moved on some more.
The mission statements for the acting programs engaged me as little as those of the PhD programs. MFAs in acting are for people who've decided to dedicate their lives to acting. To that end there is a bit of financing, but otherwise, what utter bullshit! If one wants to act, one should act!
I want to teach college students and adults and make theatre, acting and producing and directing. So I'm looking at directing MFAs. And what's nutty about it is that I feel enough confidence to apply to major market programs (with some backwater-ish safetys). The process is nascent but already vastly improved on the PhD./Acting MFA scenes.

All that said, college profs. I know often have acting MFAs. I'm not sure I understand this. Most of what they do involves fostering actors and directing shows. It is useful to understand acting inside and out but what they actually do has more to with directing.
I do have personal needs an Acting MFA might fulfill. I want to better understand why I find it so hard to show up as an actor, to bring my A-game. There's stuff within that struggles to make it out. I want to release it as an actor and I don't know how or who might help me.
Directing MFAs have the breadth I desire. I want to go a step beyond Tadeusz Kantor, I want shows conducted, let the conductor follow the interaction of the actors and audience, cueing the SM (yes, still have an SM, who can shout and roar and problem solve in an isolated booth), bring the pulse of the show back into the activated space of the proscenium line, let phones ring and music grow out of the walls, here, now, in this moment.

The application requirements for directing MFAs excite me, they don't terrify me (though they do scare me a little). So let us go forth and make essays in cyberspace On Directing!